Okay, you want the truth? I’ll tell you everything. When I was thirteen years old, I once made love to myself behind a post office. When I was nine years old, I fed cereal flakes to a frog and it died. When I was ten, I once walked by my mother sleeping, and I snuck in the room and I put a lemon in her mouth. When I was eleven, I once tried on my girl cousin’s wool tights, and I didn’t hate the way it felt! My sixteenth year, I never got an erection. I thought they were done. I thought my penis was dead… it wasn’t.